The first lil' spoonful of hoopla

Here is a great little bit of "hoopla" to laugh about... and maybe cringe about, too. Let us inspect, shall we?


According to Sympatico/MSN news, EBay has been ordered by a French court to pay $61 million to the fashion company LVMH Moet Hennessy Louis Vuitton SA. LVMH is home to brands like Givenchy, Fendi, Emilio Pucci and Marc Jacobs. Apparently, they were crying big, salty tears into their porridge about losing money because people sell so many fakes and knock-offs of designer label products on EBay. Awwww, muffin!


EBay was obviously not happy about the court's decision, and it certainly doesn't help that they are sued often by similar companies for the same reasons. The EBay spokesperson, Sravanthi Agrawal, was quoted as saying, "If counterfeits appear on our site, we take them down swiftly. But today's ruling is not about counterfeits. Today's ruling is about an attempt by LVMH to protect uncompetitive commercial practices at the expense of consumer choice and the livelihood of law-abiding sellers that EBay empowers every day."


And I have to agree. Like they're not making grotesque amounts of money as it is. Come on, people. Everyone knows. Now go play with your toys in the sand and shut up.


And how about this knob?


Pierre Godet, an adviser to LVMH chairman and CEO Bernard Arnault, stated that the court's decision on Monday was "an answer to a particularly serious question, on whether the Internet is a free-for-all for the most hateful, parasitic practices."


Well, shit. We already knew the internet was a free-for-all for the most hateful, parasitic practices. That's what makes it so friggin' awesome.


Me thinks this little French man takes himself much too seriously, himself and the whole fashion industry, actually. Hateful? Parasitic? Wow. Those are some harsh words. But of course, he has to be dramatic about it, otherwise some people might not consider designer products to be so... serious. And meaningful. No, no, mon petite Pierre. I'd say buying fakes (or 'reals', for that matter) of designer products is kind of sad, more than anything. Sad and ... a little desperate. And why do I think that? Well, let me explain.


Let's take a more in-depth look at this situation with our Hoopla spectacles firmly affixed to our heads.


The hoopla around designer products is based on exclusivity and targeted marketing campaigns. I don't argue that many designer products are gorgeous, unique and well-made, but the truth is, they cost so damn much because of the social status they represent. People buy fakes because they want that social status but they can't really afford it. They might even genuinely like how the product looks, but that's not *the* reason they buy it. We live in a culture where we are constantly trying to enhance ourselves or up our "cool" quotient, by using external methods of fashion, cosmetic surgery, etc., the list goes on. Designer products merely represent just one more arbitrary self-improvement method we've created that we've convinced ourselves will provide us with some kind of emotional reward, i.e. we feel cool and confident, and special or different than everyone else. But the truth is, it's all just a bunch of hoopla, and as we all know, hoopla dissolves quickly in sunlight, with nothing but a sad little whine and a hisssssss.


Hoopla diagnosis: Sad and kinda desperate, especially when everyone knows it's a knock-off. 5 girlish screams out of 5, for full Hoopla marks.