Some good ol' pseudo-lesbian hoopla!!

Oh man... it doesn't get much worse than this.

Ya know what I really hate? Psuedo-lesbians. Boring, straight, lame-ass white chicks who think making out with another girl is a huge deal and a big no-no, like, oh my god, like, sooo risque. Do they think lesbianism was just magically "invented" a few weeks ago and no one has ever heard of this extremely "daring" and "deliciously sexy" concept?

I'm referring of course to that lame song by Katy Perry, called "I Kissed A Girl". Well, how ballsy of you. BARF. Like she's such a bad ass for kissing a chick:

"...it's not what good girls do, not how they should behave..."

Fuck off, seriously. Did this chick ever think that this might be a bit offensive to women who are legitimately homosexual? Like being gay is "not what good girls do" (which is where the attraction comes in for straight guys and girls, of course) and that basically means lesbians/bisexuals are somehow "bad" or "wrong". Who buys this shit, anyways?? I mean, she rambles on about kissing a girl like she's such a rebel, but then of course she excuses her so-called "bad behaviour" by stating that she was a) drunk at the time, and b) don't worry everyone, she's actually straight, she even has a boyfriend!! *tee hee* She's just being experimental. Gee, hope he don't mind her kissin' girls! Well, no shit he won't mind, he's the *exact guy* who is into fake lesbians and is being marketed to.

Cherry Chapstick?? Fuck off.

The way lesbianism is portrayed in the mainstream media is a bunch of HOOPLA. Yes, you guessed it. Hoopla, I say. It caters entirely to straight, white males who fantasize about straight, white women getting it on with other chicks. And in those fantasies, these fake lesbian chicks are always hot, sexy, slender and vanilla, and ALSO conveniently into guys, too! You never see a music video or hear a song about trying something new and exciting, like making out with bull dykes!! You never see that!! And you know why? Because that's not what sells, because that's a reality that wanker, straight, vanilla white guys and girls don't want to talk about, or hear about for that matter.

I hate that song and I hate lame-ass psuedo-lesbians.

Hoopla diagnosis: Shut up and stop pretending to be gay because you think you'll get some attention from it. Now go make out with a bull dyke and then let me know how you really feel.

The first lil' spoonful of hoopla

Here is a great little bit of "hoopla" to laugh about... and maybe cringe about, too. Let us inspect, shall we?


According to Sympatico/MSN news, EBay has been ordered by a French court to pay $61 million to the fashion company LVMH Moet Hennessy Louis Vuitton SA. LVMH is home to brands like Givenchy, Fendi, Emilio Pucci and Marc Jacobs. Apparently, they were crying big, salty tears into their porridge about losing money because people sell so many fakes and knock-offs of designer label products on EBay. Awwww, muffin!


EBay was obviously not happy about the court's decision, and it certainly doesn't help that they are sued often by similar companies for the same reasons. The EBay spokesperson, Sravanthi Agrawal, was quoted as saying, "If counterfeits appear on our site, we take them down swiftly. But today's ruling is not about counterfeits. Today's ruling is about an attempt by LVMH to protect uncompetitive commercial practices at the expense of consumer choice and the livelihood of law-abiding sellers that EBay empowers every day."


And I have to agree. Like they're not making grotesque amounts of money as it is. Come on, people. Everyone knows. Now go play with your toys in the sand and shut up.


And how about this knob?


Pierre Godet, an adviser to LVMH chairman and CEO Bernard Arnault, stated that the court's decision on Monday was "an answer to a particularly serious question, on whether the Internet is a free-for-all for the most hateful, parasitic practices."


Well, shit. We already knew the internet was a free-for-all for the most hateful, parasitic practices. That's what makes it so friggin' awesome.


Me thinks this little French man takes himself much too seriously, himself and the whole fashion industry, actually. Hateful? Parasitic? Wow. Those are some harsh words. But of course, he has to be dramatic about it, otherwise some people might not consider designer products to be so... serious. And meaningful. No, no, mon petite Pierre. I'd say buying fakes (or 'reals', for that matter) of designer products is kind of sad, more than anything. Sad and ... a little desperate. And why do I think that? Well, let me explain.


Let's take a more in-depth look at this situation with our Hoopla spectacles firmly affixed to our heads.


The hoopla around designer products is based on exclusivity and targeted marketing campaigns. I don't argue that many designer products are gorgeous, unique and well-made, but the truth is, they cost so damn much because of the social status they represent. People buy fakes because they want that social status but they can't really afford it. They might even genuinely like how the product looks, but that's not *the* reason they buy it. We live in a culture where we are constantly trying to enhance ourselves or up our "cool" quotient, by using external methods of fashion, cosmetic surgery, etc., the list goes on. Designer products merely represent just one more arbitrary self-improvement method we've created that we've convinced ourselves will provide us with some kind of emotional reward, i.e. we feel cool and confident, and special or different than everyone else. But the truth is, it's all just a bunch of hoopla, and as we all know, hoopla dissolves quickly in sunlight, with nothing but a sad little whine and a hisssssss.


Hoopla diagnosis: Sad and kinda desperate, especially when everyone knows it's a knock-off. 5 girlish screams out of 5, for full Hoopla marks.

Chuck Klosterman is my hero.

The man. The myth. Ya love him. Ya hate him. Ya love to hate him.

Here's the guy who inspired me to write about hoopla - Chuck Klosterman. Personally, I've always been into deconstructing low culture/pop culture, but Chuck takes it to a whole new level and invites me to join him there. A few weeks ago when I was digging through some old archives here at my work, I found a really old article about him in a Vancouver Sun newspaper from 2003, and I just couldn't put it down. In the article, Chuck was discussing a book he wrote called "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto", and the topic for the interview was mainly about advertisements for sugared cereals and how they teach kids that "coolness" is all about exclusivity and social status, i.e. the cereal mascot is always trying to get the cereal for himself and be in the "cool club", but is consistently rejected by the children in the ads.

That's just one example that I found to be completely axiomatic and also comical in a sense. Chuck's writing speaks to me on that mental level in my brain where I often contemplate if I am just secretly insane for pondering the things I spend a lot of time pondering. It turns out, if anything, I am at least as crazy as Chuck. And that's good enough for me.

You can find out more about Chuck here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Klosterman

Love,

Mrs. Klosterman

Just what is "hoopla"? And what can you do about it?

Howdy, folks!!

I figured I'd start off this new blog with a post explaining the point of it all, and the idea of "hoopla".

Hoopla, essentially, is mainstream media hype about stuff that seems shallow, superficial and/or irrelevant to "real life", but I beg to differ. As mentioned in the title of this blog, we're knee-deep in the stuff, day in and day out, and I just happen to be the kind of person who enjoys leaning in, invading Hoopla's personal space a bit, and achieving a closer look at what some call "low culture", taking it apart like a Micro-Machine, if you will, and getting a real good look at it.

Discussions about hoopla are always inherently funny, because hoopla makes up some, if not all, of the most ridiculously over-hyped and downright silly events and topics of this lovely and impeccably flawless planet. But when looked at a bit closer, hoopla has a shocking dark side that many people don't take the time to acknowledge, and here in my Hoopla-Lab, we venture into those nasty little crevices without any regard for fear or good manners.

Here from my think-tank, I promise to make "Knee-deep in the Hoopla" stories both highly comical and thought-provoking, 2 concepts which will hopefully skip hand in hand down lovers lane with the ideas of intrigue and critical thinking.

Enjoy, my little lambs!

Love,

Your fearless leader in Hoopla